SORRY VERSUS THANK you

Don’t trust graphics like that.
They simplify what shouldn’t be simplified.

These graphics look clever, but they flatten reality.
​They ignore context, scale, impact — the three things that actually decide whether “sorry” or “thank you” is appropriate.
Without that, the advice becomes noise.

YES, Research shows that over-apologising lowers your credibility.
Workplace studies by Holmes, Tannen, and later organisational linguists confirm that people who apologise excessively are:

• interrupted more often
• taken less seriously
• given fewer high-stakes tasks
• perceived as less confident

But the keyword is excessively — not apologising in general.

But replacing every apology with “thank you” is not the solution.
Look at these examples from the graphic:
Sorry, I’m not good at this.
I’m still learning — thanks for your patience.

They look different, but to an experienced communicator they send the same message: self-undermining, insecure, low-status.
Thank you here is just a confidence wrapper on the same credibility problem.

When the issue is competence, neither “sorry” nor “thank you” is appropriate.
​Instead of apologising or asking for patience, stabilise your professional footing:
Let me double-check.
Give me a moment, I want to ensure it’s correct.
I’ll verify this and update you.

Clear, adult, competent.

​When you’re five minutes late, “thank you for waiting” works.
When you’re fifty minutes late, it doesn’t.

Minor mishap → “thank you” is fine.
Real breach → “thank you” becomes offensive.
Because thank you for what?
They didn’t choose patience — they incurred a cost.

The bottom line

If you caused a breach → say “I’m sorry.”
If the inconvenience is tiny → “thank you for ...” is fine.
If the issue is competence → say neither. Show competence instead.