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MAKE YOUR
SORRYgold not guilt.
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 This matrix helps you choose the right type of apology based on two things:
You simply match your response to the real size of the situation. How to use it 1. Check the practical weight Did something concrete fail — file, deadline, task, information?
2. Check the emotional weight Did the situation affect the relationship: trust, comfort, the other person’s feeling?
3. Choose the right box Q1: Micro-slip Small practical thing, no emotional impact. → Fix it and move on. No drama. Q2: Relational slip Small practical thing, but it touched the relationship. → Say sorry + acknowledge the other person. Q3: Functional failure Something practical broke, but emotionally it’s neutral. → Say sorry + fix the problem. Q4: Full apology Big practical issue + emotional impact. → Sorry + impact + plan for next time. People often apologise too much or not enough.
This matrix stops the guessing. Don’t trust graphics like that. They simplify what shouldn’t be simplified.  These graphics look clever, but they flatten reality. They ignore context, scale, impact — the three things that actually decide whether “sorry” or “thank you” is appropriate. Without that, the advice becomes noise. YES, Research shows that over-apologising lowers your credibility. Workplace studies by Holmes, Tannen, and later organisational linguists confirm that people who apologise excessively are:
But replacing every apology with “thank you” is not the solution. Look at these examples from the graphic: Sorry, I’m not good at this. I’m still learning — thanks for your patience. They look different, but to an experienced communicator they send the same message: self-undermining, insecure, low-status. Thank you here is just a confidence wrapper on the same credibility problem. When the issue is competence, neither “sorry” nor “thank you” is appropriate. Instead of apologising or asking for patience, stabilise your professional footing: Let me double-check. Give me a moment, I want to ensure it’s correct. I’ll verify this and update you. Clear, adult, competent. When you’re five minutes late, “thank you for waiting” works. When you’re fifty minutes late, it doesn’t. Minor mishap → “thank you” is fine. Real breach → “thank you” becomes offensive. Because thank you for what? They didn’t choose patience — they incurred a cost. The bottom line
If you caused a breach → say “I’m sorry.” If the inconvenience is tiny → “thank you for ...” is fine. If the issue is competence → say neither. Show competence instead. 
Scenario You were supposed to send a report to a colleague earlier today. They reminded you several times. You kept thinking you’d do it “in a moment,” but the day exploded, you got buried, and you completely forgot. Now it’s late afternoon. You finally notice three missed messages from them: short, polite, increasingly urgent. You know they were waiting for your file to move their part of the project forward. You need to apologise. Properly. Apology (Using Name it · Own it · Fix it)
Name it. “I’m sorry I didn’t send the report as agreed.” (No excuses. No softeners. You name the behaviour directly.) Own it. “I realise this held you up and created unnecessary pressure on your side.” (This shows you understand the impact; not your chaos.) Fix it. “I’ve attached the report now, and I’ll set a reminder so this doesn’t happen again.” (This shows forward direction and reliability.) 
More explanation: “Sorry” = lightweight, everyday repair markerThis is not a real apology. It’s a micro-repair in conversation. Used for:
Oh, sorry, I forgot — I’ll grab it now. “I’m sorry” = full apology / accountability markerUsed when:
I’m sorry I didn’t inform you in advance — I know this meant losing the session. |
SHELTER
Dog shelter – every year
Every year I collect things for a local dog shelter. You can read what I wrote about it on my personal blog last year. If you’d like to join in, check your WhatsApp message or contact me there.
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