How to Seem More LikEable (Even If You're Not): Virtual Meeting Edition

Over the years, I’ve spent countless hours in online meetings. From the early, awkward days of adjusting to virtual interactions to now, where it almost feels like second nature, I’ve had the chance to hone my own skills and—what’s even more insightful—observe how others have navigated this space. What I’ve learned is that the small, intentional cues we give—beyond our words—are what truly elevate our connections in these settings.

The ideas I’m sharing below come from a mix of personal practice and watching others grow in their approach to online communication. (Not only online, as most of the ideas I’m sharing are applicable to regular interactions, too.) These tips aren’t just effective—they’re simple to incorporate. And often, they can add a deeper, more authentic layer to your interactions, sometimes even surpassing the impact of what’s being said verbally. Non-verbal communication is essential, and the beauty of it is that it’s really easy to introduce once you’re mindful of it.
Here’s what I’ve found works best to show genuine interest and build rapport in your virtual meetings. Let’s dive in!

Where to Look
We’ve heard so much about eye contact and its importance, but you have to admit, creating eye contact online is a unique challenge. Where am I supposed to look—at the screen? At the camera? What does the other person see? Do they even know I’m maintaining eye contact? Unlike in-person interactions, where our eyes naturally meet, online meetings require deliberate effort.
So… Where to look
The sweet spot is slightly above the person’s video image—close to the camera lens. This gives the illusion of direct eye contact without staring uncomfortably into the lens. If the other person’s video is centred on your screen, align your gaze slightly between their image and the camera.
But remember: don’t freak out! Breaking eye contact briefly (e.g., glancing away to think) signals authenticity. The key is to return to the camera with intention, re-establishing the connection.
Your eyes can also express emotions subtly—soften them for empathy, widen them slightly for enthusiasm or surprise, and combine them with head tilts for warmth. Blink naturally; excessive staring can feel robotic, and that’s certainly not something you want.

To Smile or Not to Smile?
Smiling is a fantastic tool for building rapport. But as much as I appreciate advice like “Smile!”, I’d say that our smiles need to be situationally appropriate. Matching and reflecting someone’s mood is crucial for creating a sense of connection. We can’t be smiling when someone tells us about their tensions, struggles, or challenges.
A good technique is to mirror their emotions gently. What does that mean? If they seem serious or reflective, tone down your smile to something softer or more empathetic. If they’re upset, your expression can shift to concern or attentiveness, signalling that you’re tuned in to their feelings. Of course, don’t overdo it! Stay balanced—acknowledge their emotions without sinking into despair.
And if they’re upbeat, let your smile grow to match their energy. A sense of shared enthusiasm and positivity can do wonders for any relationship.

Body Language—Yes, Still
Body language seems to be so neglected in virtual settings, but let’s not forget that it speaks volumes—not only in real, face-to-face meetings. Small gestures like leaning forward or nodding can signal that we are fully present and invested in the conversation.
Why Lean Forward?
​Leaning slightly (be mindful of what “slightly” actually means) forward shows that you’re actively interested in what the other person is saying. It’s a powerful cue that you’re focused on them and their words. Also, it creates a sense of closeness and approachability, even through a screen, as it mimics the body language of someone who’s engaged in the conversation. But remember: leaning forward doesn’t mean crowding the screen—keep your screen at least 50 cm away from your face.
And Nodding?
Oh, nodding is so effective—when used in the right amount. A slight nod signals that you’re following along, validating the speaker’s points. It also encourages the other person to keep speaking. Use nods in moderation, making them visible but avoiding the effect of a bobblehead dog.
Hands… Oh, Right—I Do Have Hands!
I love hand gestures. They add so much to your communication style. Here are a few of my personal favourites—though I’m still working on extending this portfolio:

• The rotating hand gesture: Perfect for encouraging someone to go on, to say more. It feels natural and open.
• Thumbs up (or down): Great for signalling agreement, approval, or appreciation, especially when we don’t want to interrupt.
• A hand raise: Politely signal that you’d like to contribute or ask a question.
• A light touch on the chest or heart: If someone shares something personal and meaningful, a brief hand to your chest shows genuine appreciation or empathy.
• A small wave: It’s a clear, visual cue for starting or ending the interaction on a positive note. Research even suggests that waving makes you appear friendlier and more approachable.
• The weighing hands gesture: Fantastic for showing two alternatives, as if you’re balancing two invisible objects—one in each hand.

​Avoid at All Costs
There’s a long list of behaviours to avoid—especially considering how innovative people can be in their distractions. But to keep it simple, let’s focus on these basics:

• Fidgeting or repeated movements: Tapping pens, drumming fingers, or playing with your hair—you get the idea.
• Looking away or checking other screens: Unless you’re working for NASA or air traffic control, stop glancing at your phone or other devices.
• Crossing arms or slouching: I cross my arms when I’m cold, so I wouldn’t be too strict about this. But be mindful—some positions can quickly be read as signals of disengagement or boredom. Slouching? No comment.
• Overuse of facial expressions: Extreme or exaggerated expressions—like excessive nodding or exaggerated smiles—can make you look ... awkward. AKWARD!
• Messy background or poor lighting: Sitting in a cluttered room with bad lighting is a surefire way to distract the other person. Get tidy, folks!

That’s all for today, but this is definitely not the end of our journey. Next time, I’ll dive into a few creative touches you can add to elevate your virtual presence. I’ll wrap up the series with an exploration of verbal signals that can make or break your communication.